The Blessing Of Giving

Giving has been on the mind a lot lately and not just because Christmas is coming. I'm finding as I get older, giving is an incredible treat. When I was a young adolescent I liked the idea of giving but found it to be hard at times.  I found that giving became tough when I was feeding my selfish desires. Suddenly I had lots of reasons to not give. Maybe because it was inconvenient? It took too much of my time? I didn't have enough money? Or I simply just didn't feel like it. This way of thinking led me down a path of discontentment. I soon began to understand that GIVING brought more than contentment... it brought joy. It not only brought joy to me but to many others. The action of keeping everything to myself didn't bring joy. And it certainly didn't bring joy to others either. I'm thankful I came to that realization early in life. I think most people come to this realization early in life... but that doesn't always mean we take that realization and make it a reality. So I find that it's good to reflect on what giving does and what it means to give. I write this post just as a reminder, as I like being reminded of the simple yet important values in life. 
Naturally, giving to others always gives back... but in a much different way. A much better way. Blessing others truly blesses the soul. Compulsively buying things for ourselves only satisfies temporarily and the satisfaction only goes skin deep. No material thing really measures up to the gift of giving to others. Giving doesn't always manifest itself in giving material items either. The gift of giving can be done in many ways: time, love, a helping hand, a listening ear, a word of encouragement, etc. This is what we are called to do. Give. We are called to look like Christ... and what is one of the many things God does? He gives. He gives abundantly. 
I believe that giving to others ultimately results in giving back to God. Hopefully in our giving people see Christ. We must realize that our ability to give is by the grace of God. Jesus's sacrifice on the cross wholly defines the word giving. Without His sacrifice we wouldn't know what it means to give. 
I pray that I will always remember what it means to give and what it does to the heart's people who have a need that can be filled by us taking a moment to... give. 

Whatever, Lord, we lend to Thee,
Repaid a thousand-fold will be;
Then gladly will we give to Thee,
Who givest all—who givest all. —Wordsworth

The Deer With Three Legs

Here is a "journal entry" I wrote quite a few months back about a revelation God gave to me when I was going through a "season" of insecurity, feeling disconnected, and hurt. God comes up with some really unique ways to let us know how much He loves us. I'm so thankful for this and find that I come back to this entry often to remind myself of His love and grace. My little story may seem silly to many but to me it is a "silly"story that holds a lot of meaning. A time where I knew God was speaking to me. A time where I felt His presence. A time where I got to learn a little bit more about who He is.


(A picture I captured of the 3-legged Deer)

God has been laying one word on my heart lately. That word is TRUST. Do I really trust Him- fully- completely? To be honest, no, I haven't in every area of my life. I don't always trust Him fully and completely. Try as I may, He knows this about me and has been taking time to show me where I've lacked trust and how to change.

Here is one example that I don't want to ever forget:

About a year ago, on my way home from work, as I was turning onto my home street in town, a 3-legged deer ran out in front of my car. I live right in the middle of town so it startled me, but as I watched the deer hobble across the road, I started to have an overwhelming urge to cry. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I felt as if I needed to pray for it. So, I prayed for healing over the deer and God's protection over it. I had been so overwhelmed with love and sadness for the deer (I know it sounds silly) but with that emotion I began to think about God and his creation... and how HE must feel about us. If I could feel such silly love for a little injured deer, God's love for us is infinitely more. As I thought through it all, I was still confused. I was confused by my rush of emotion and love for the wounded deer as this wasn't the first time I saw a wounded animal. Not to mention, this deer seemed to be doing just fine. It was making it's way through town with 3 legs, and the 4th was all healed up. But, little did I know... God knew why I felt such compassion towards this animal and he soon showed me why.

About what seemed to be a year later, I was in a spiritual drought. Feeling hopeless, helpless, and desperate, I decided to go for a walk in the graveyard by our house to spend some quiet time with God. While being out there, my mind was racing and I was easily distracted, not focusing on Him. This was extremely frustrating and made me feel disconnected from God. I came to a little hill facing the woods in the graveyard and decided I should just kneel down and sit in His presence to see if I could hear or see ANYTHING from Him. I knelt down and began to pray. I started to tear up, asking God to show me something, anything, some sign. As soon as I finished praying that, I looked up toward the woods and suddenly out of nowhere a deer was looking straight into my eyes. I screamed because I was not expecting something to be staring dead-straight into my eyes. I had looked up in the wooded area just a few moments earlier and there was no deer, so this was a huge surprise to me. The deer did not move... it didn't even blink.

At first I thought some person had come and stuck a deer head in the woods to scare people, as if it were a joke. I made all kinds of sounds and walked towards it but it didn't move. I approached the deer and saw it was actually laying down. I continued approaching not knowing what might happen. I felt like maybe God was trying to show me something so I started praying for the deer. I started praying for it's healing because I thought maybe it was injured and that's why it wasn't moving and why it wouldn't stand up. As I prayed, the deer stood up and I immediately recognized it. It was the 3 legged deer I had seen earlier that year. I couldn't believe the same deer I had seen a year or so earlier was still alive and now staring at me, letting me approach it! This brought the same emotion out of me as my last encounter with the deer had, so I began to cry. I started praying for it's healing and protection again and slowly made my way closer to the deer. In my disbelief, the deer let me get fairly close to it and just as I thought I may have the chance to lay hands on the deer, it ran away from me. This may sound really silly but it was a very emotional experience for me. I knew God was up to something but I didn't know what yet.

I decided from then on that I would seek out the deer and spend time with God to see if there was something He was really trying to show me. I went out to the graveyard a handful of times to visit this deer and believe it or not, saw the deer in that same graveyard 3 more times. What are the chances??? Each time I saw it, it was an emotional experience and each time, the deer let me get just a little bit closer to it. This sweet 3 legged deer would stand staring at me unwaveringly and as soon as I got just a little too close for it's comfort, it would flee. I just kept wishing it knew my intentions and how I really just wanted to pet it and bring it some comfort.

I was confused by all my encounters and was trying hard to understand what God could be showing me. After praying and thinking about how this scenario related to me, it hit me! I was the deer and God was ultimately "me" approaching the deer. Little did this deer know, I had good intentions... I just wanted to pet it... show it some love, pray for it, and bring it some comfort.
But the deer didn't trust me. It was scared. It didn't know what to expect. It ran when I got too close. THAT was what I was doing with God. All He wanted to do was fill me up with his love, compassion, healing touch, and have a relationship with me... but I was like the deer, fleeing from God because I was insecure, hurting, and scared. This was a huge revelation to me. Through this experience I felt like I could really start to begin understanding God's love for me and that He was just asking me to trust Him... like I was hoping for the deer to trust me! This really spoke to me and gave me a whole new fresh perspective.

While going through this whole experience, I knew that I really needed to give my everything to God, disregarding my past failures, or how low and disconnected I felt. I see now that I really needed to trust Him with my whole heart, be with Him, and dwell in His love for me. I needed to take a step in faith to do what God was asking me to do and not be afraid. While working through this experience and piecing together how these "deer encounters" related to me, God used "Women's Daily Prayer Devotional" to make it extremely clear to me what He wants to teach me at this point in my life. I think this section from the devotional really sums it up. The devotional reads in first person because it is a prayer book and this is what it read:

"Today I'll simply trust you, Father. I'll remember that you're not looking for resumes full of impressive credentials; rather, you seek hearts that trust in you. You want to enjoy a vibrant, meaningful relationship with me - A relationship in which I trust you fully. That's the starting point of a life lived for you.
Genesis 15:6 'And Abram believed the Lord; and the Lord reckoned it to Him as righteousness'"

"This Is Love"

    So, I've spent most of the day trying to figure out what I wanted to blog about today, but found I don't have much to say... at least not at this current moment anyway. I've always wished that I was the type of person who had an endless pot of wisdom in my hands to share with others, but alas, I'm not that type of person. So, instead of conjuring up some new and crazy idea for today's blog, I decided I'd go with a good ol' love song I wrote for Brennan some months back.

   One purpose behind this post, which I believe makes this all noteworthy, is that Brennan and I will be having our 2-year anniversary next week. So, you may have guessed it, love is in the air and on the mind.
It's been a great 2 years. Or should I say, it's been a great 1 year, 11 months and 18 days! ;)

"This Is Love"

By: Anna McPherson

Your eyes, they beam so bright so sheen

The way your smile evolves at me

The way you reach your arms towards mine

You’ve got me tingling

This is love

Oh this is love

Love sweet love

Yes, this is love

You’ve got my heart now skipping beats

But your heart beat makes mine complete

You’ve given me your everything

Feels like I am dreaming

This is love

Oh this is love

Love sweet love

Yes, this is love

It’s all I’ve ever wanted, mmm

Our love is what one dreams about

It’s flowing through me, spilling out

Oh, it’s got me singing  

This is love

Oh this is love
Love sweet love 

Yes, this is love

Sweet Surrender

1 Thessalonians 2:4
"But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts."

    I started writing a song a few weeks back centered around the verse above, and have been thinking a lot about the gifts God has given me and the manner I tend to use those gifts in. The gift of music is one thing I'm certain God has blessed me with and I know I'm called to use my gift in it's purest form - to worship Him.
    However, I find that although I know my gift in music is to be used to glorify God, I'm still self conscious. I sometimes focus more on myself and musical "screw ups" than on worshiping Him. I'm worried I'll hit the wrong note. I'm worried about what others may think. I compare myself to other musical artists and feel sub-par, etc.
    This discourages me, and if these thoughts start invading my brain before worship time, I have to really pray that God keeps my focus on Him and nothing else. I have gotten to the point (on multiple occasions) where I felt I should just quit doing music because of the struggle. I had talked myself into thinking I wasn't good enough, I was never satisfied with my "performances", and in the end, the struggle just didn't seem worth it.
    When thinking through this and how I've often neglected using music solely to worship God, I had an image come to mind. In the image, I was standing on a church stage, worshiping. When I looked out towards the "crowd" I saw only one being, God. He gave me a cheerful loving smile, one that showed He was proud of me... and because He was the only one in the sanctuary, I was able to focus on Him and nothing else. He was the only one I wanted to "impress", and that desire to "impress" quickly transformed into a heart of worship where I poured my heart out to God. It became a safe haven, a place to dwell in His love and grace. I wasn't focused on myself anymore. All that mattered was that I was using my music for God, and knew that he was pleased with it. It didn't matter if I hit a wrong note or looked awkward (or whatever other thoughts plague my mind at times)... all that mattered was that my focus was on Him. Simply focusing on Him freed me from those selfish, self-deprecating thoughts/desires. I was simply using what God gave me for HIM. It was a beautiful image that I will never forget.
     And this goes for any gift/passion, whether it be drawing, writing, wisdom, intelligence, photography, music, whatever... He'll use all of it. I know that God can and will use my gift of music to reach other people's hearts, and He will use it to bring them to Himself. He's not asking me to sing perfectly before he does it. He's not asking me to look cool while doing it. He's not asking me to be the best musician in the world. He's just asking me to use my gift in it's purest form... to worship Him, the one and only God.

Verse 1:
Singing in an empty room
Except for one, that one is You
A wistful heart that wants to please
You remind me and help me see

Pre-Chorus:
Each word I sing,
Each note that's played
It's all for you
Not me, but You...

Chorus:
Let this be my sweet surrender
It's all for You...
Let this be my sweet surrender
Focusing on only You

Verse 2:
Pride is empty vanity
I boast in none, except for You
My weakness keeps me on my knees,
You make it clear so I can see...

Bridge:
To look to You, not them, not me
It sets me free, You set me free

Prayer

   Yesterday at noon, as I drove home on my lunch break from work, I turned on Prayz Network. Each day as I drive home I switch on the radio and listen to Pastor Greg Laurie give his daily message. I find that the wisdom God gives Pastor Greg generally has a way of latching onto my heart strings; his messages really speak to me. Yesterday was an example of that. I've had a lot on my mind lately and I'm thinking a lot about my future. "Where should I be? What is best for Brennan and I? Should I focus on my passions? Should I stay put? What step should I take next?"

   I find that I'm constantly trying to plan out my future and although I stay in prayer over these issues, I find myself focusing more on MY will rather than God's. I pray for God's will, yet I push for my own.

   Today's message reminded me that prayer isn't what I've habitually made it to be. Prayer isn't always a quick fix, an easy out, something to mark off my check list, or something I should try to abuse to get my way. Prayer is a place where I am to line "my will" up with God's, soak in His grace, love, and forgiveness, and get to know Him better. 

Here are a few things Greg had to say about prayer yesterday, and some key points that made me think:

"What is the primary objective of prayer? To line my will up with the will of God. 

True prayer is not overcoming God's reluctance; it's laying hold of his willingness. 

Here's how I pray: I pray for what I think is right but I always add 'nevertheless, not my will, let your will be done.'

 When you're praying, if the request is wrong... God will say 'No'. If the timing is wrong, God will say 'Slow'. If you are wrong, God will say 'Grow'... but if the request is right, and the timing is right and you're right, God will say 'Go'."  -Pastor Greg Laurie

(If you'd like to hear more from the message I wrote about above, here's the link to Greg's website where you can find this exact message. It's incredibly insightful and is full of great reminders: http://www.harvest.org/radio/listen/2013-10-03.html )

   Since we're on the topic of lining our will up with God's, I started writing a song a few months back which talked about this very thing... but took it a little further even. The song is about how I've tried to be the author of my own story and how I've used God to simply be the editor of my mistakes in the story. I've found that way of living completely backwards. God needs to be the author of my story, not just the editor who fixes all of MY mistakes. It works much more smoothly when we hand over the pen and paper and allow Him to write the novel to our life. I find this can be hard at times. I like knowing what's going to happen next. I'm a planner and I'm not a fan of the "unknown", but I'm also tired of planning out my chapters and finding that I've made quite a disaster, then desperately pleading for God to fix my errors. It's not always God's plan for us to know what life may bring in the new chapters. Just as we read a book, we read one chapter at a time. It doesn't make sense to skip from one chapter to the next without finishing the one you're on. We must trust that God's will is better than anything we could conjure up... and we must rest in that.
(This song isn't 100% finished yet but I plan to post a video with the song complete in the near future.)

V1:

The future untold

Full of unknowns

I'm not convinced 

What's my story?

V2:

I've written my chapter,

It's full of disaster,

I'm laying my pen down,

I'm stepping away now

Chorus:

Be the author, Oh be the author.

Be the author, Oh be the author.

V3:

This chapter is yours,

I'm trusting you

Please take the lead

Write my story

V4:

Youve been my reviser

Please be my designer

I'm laying my pen down,

I'm stepping away now

Chorus:

Be the author, Oh be the author

Be the author, Oh be the author

Bridge:

Be the healer of brokenness

Be the freer of woefulness

Be the hand that creates new life

You make all things right

You make all things right...

Yes, you make all things right.

The Definition Of Truly Living

Here's a poem that was written from my heart to my husband on our 1 year anniversary, October 29th. I felt an overwhelming desire to express to Brennan that I'd found another definition for the word "LIVING". Besides living for my Heavenly Father first and foremost, Brennan was now next in line, and this changed my life.This poem, simply put, describes what our wedding day looked like and what it meant to me.

The Definition of Truly Living

By: Anna McPherson

One dream. One chance. Our futures, untold.

Two hearts. One moment. A choice, so bold.

Two lives. One world. United we stand.

Three candles. Two blown. Divided, we can’t.

Two words. Three letters. One mouth says to you.

Two hearts. One Choice. One statement so true.

One kiss.  Embrace. We just couldn't wait.

Two lives. Now one. Glow in this place.

One feast.  Applause.  Approval from all.

Two leave, but as one…  God smiles from above.

One night. Two bodies. Now flowing as one.

One rhythm. One dance. This moment, undone.

One mouth. Two ears. Lean close, please listen.

I love you. I choose you. This day defines living.