"This Is Love"

    So, I've spent most of the day trying to figure out what I wanted to blog about today, but found I don't have much to say... at least not at this current moment anyway. I've always wished that I was the type of person who had an endless pot of wisdom in my hands to share with others, but alas, I'm not that type of person. So, instead of conjuring up some new and crazy idea for today's blog, I decided I'd go with a good ol' love song I wrote for Brennan some months back.

   One purpose behind this post, which I believe makes this all noteworthy, is that Brennan and I will be having our 2-year anniversary next week. So, you may have guessed it, love is in the air and on the mind.
It's been a great 2 years. Or should I say, it's been a great 1 year, 11 months and 18 days! ;)

"This Is Love"

By: Anna McPherson

Your eyes, they beam so bright so sheen

The way your smile evolves at me

The way you reach your arms towards mine

You’ve got me tingling

This is love

Oh this is love

Love sweet love

Yes, this is love

You’ve got my heart now skipping beats

But your heart beat makes mine complete

You’ve given me your everything

Feels like I am dreaming

This is love

Oh this is love

Love sweet love

Yes, this is love

It’s all I’ve ever wanted, mmm

Our love is what one dreams about

It’s flowing through me, spilling out

Oh, it’s got me singing  

This is love

Oh this is love
Love sweet love 

Yes, this is love

Sweet Surrender

1 Thessalonians 2:4
"But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts."

    I started writing a song a few weeks back centered around the verse above, and have been thinking a lot about the gifts God has given me and the manner I tend to use those gifts in. The gift of music is one thing I'm certain God has blessed me with and I know I'm called to use my gift in it's purest form - to worship Him.
    However, I find that although I know my gift in music is to be used to glorify God, I'm still self conscious. I sometimes focus more on myself and musical "screw ups" than on worshiping Him. I'm worried I'll hit the wrong note. I'm worried about what others may think. I compare myself to other musical artists and feel sub-par, etc.
    This discourages me, and if these thoughts start invading my brain before worship time, I have to really pray that God keeps my focus on Him and nothing else. I have gotten to the point (on multiple occasions) where I felt I should just quit doing music because of the struggle. I had talked myself into thinking I wasn't good enough, I was never satisfied with my "performances", and in the end, the struggle just didn't seem worth it.
    When thinking through this and how I've often neglected using music solely to worship God, I had an image come to mind. In the image, I was standing on a church stage, worshiping. When I looked out towards the "crowd" I saw only one being, God. He gave me a cheerful loving smile, one that showed He was proud of me... and because He was the only one in the sanctuary, I was able to focus on Him and nothing else. He was the only one I wanted to "impress", and that desire to "impress" quickly transformed into a heart of worship where I poured my heart out to God. It became a safe haven, a place to dwell in His love and grace. I wasn't focused on myself anymore. All that mattered was that I was using my music for God, and knew that he was pleased with it. It didn't matter if I hit a wrong note or looked awkward (or whatever other thoughts plague my mind at times)... all that mattered was that my focus was on Him. Simply focusing on Him freed me from those selfish, self-deprecating thoughts/desires. I was simply using what God gave me for HIM. It was a beautiful image that I will never forget.
     And this goes for any gift/passion, whether it be drawing, writing, wisdom, intelligence, photography, music, whatever... He'll use all of it. I know that God can and will use my gift of music to reach other people's hearts, and He will use it to bring them to Himself. He's not asking me to sing perfectly before he does it. He's not asking me to look cool while doing it. He's not asking me to be the best musician in the world. He's just asking me to use my gift in it's purest form... to worship Him, the one and only God.

Verse 1:
Singing in an empty room
Except for one, that one is You
A wistful heart that wants to please
You remind me and help me see

Pre-Chorus:
Each word I sing,
Each note that's played
It's all for you
Not me, but You...

Chorus:
Let this be my sweet surrender
It's all for You...
Let this be my sweet surrender
Focusing on only You

Verse 2:
Pride is empty vanity
I boast in none, except for You
My weakness keeps me on my knees,
You make it clear so I can see...

Bridge:
To look to You, not them, not me
It sets me free, You set me free

Prayer

   Yesterday at noon, as I drove home on my lunch break from work, I turned on Prayz Network. Each day as I drive home I switch on the radio and listen to Pastor Greg Laurie give his daily message. I find that the wisdom God gives Pastor Greg generally has a way of latching onto my heart strings; his messages really speak to me. Yesterday was an example of that. I've had a lot on my mind lately and I'm thinking a lot about my future. "Where should I be? What is best for Brennan and I? Should I focus on my passions? Should I stay put? What step should I take next?"

   I find that I'm constantly trying to plan out my future and although I stay in prayer over these issues, I find myself focusing more on MY will rather than God's. I pray for God's will, yet I push for my own.

   Today's message reminded me that prayer isn't what I've habitually made it to be. Prayer isn't always a quick fix, an easy out, something to mark off my check list, or something I should try to abuse to get my way. Prayer is a place where I am to line "my will" up with God's, soak in His grace, love, and forgiveness, and get to know Him better. 

Here are a few things Greg had to say about prayer yesterday, and some key points that made me think:

"What is the primary objective of prayer? To line my will up with the will of God. 

True prayer is not overcoming God's reluctance; it's laying hold of his willingness. 

Here's how I pray: I pray for what I think is right but I always add 'nevertheless, not my will, let your will be done.'

 When you're praying, if the request is wrong... God will say 'No'. If the timing is wrong, God will say 'Slow'. If you are wrong, God will say 'Grow'... but if the request is right, and the timing is right and you're right, God will say 'Go'."  -Pastor Greg Laurie

(If you'd like to hear more from the message I wrote about above, here's the link to Greg's website where you can find this exact message. It's incredibly insightful and is full of great reminders: http://www.harvest.org/radio/listen/2013-10-03.html )

   Since we're on the topic of lining our will up with God's, I started writing a song a few months back which talked about this very thing... but took it a little further even. The song is about how I've tried to be the author of my own story and how I've used God to simply be the editor of my mistakes in the story. I've found that way of living completely backwards. God needs to be the author of my story, not just the editor who fixes all of MY mistakes. It works much more smoothly when we hand over the pen and paper and allow Him to write the novel to our life. I find this can be hard at times. I like knowing what's going to happen next. I'm a planner and I'm not a fan of the "unknown", but I'm also tired of planning out my chapters and finding that I've made quite a disaster, then desperately pleading for God to fix my errors. It's not always God's plan for us to know what life may bring in the new chapters. Just as we read a book, we read one chapter at a time. It doesn't make sense to skip from one chapter to the next without finishing the one you're on. We must trust that God's will is better than anything we could conjure up... and we must rest in that.
(This song isn't 100% finished yet but I plan to post a video with the song complete in the near future.)

V1:

The future untold

Full of unknowns

I'm not convinced 

What's my story?

V2:

I've written my chapter,

It's full of disaster,

I'm laying my pen down,

I'm stepping away now

Chorus:

Be the author, Oh be the author.

Be the author, Oh be the author.

V3:

This chapter is yours,

I'm trusting you

Please take the lead

Write my story

V4:

Youve been my reviser

Please be my designer

I'm laying my pen down,

I'm stepping away now

Chorus:

Be the author, Oh be the author

Be the author, Oh be the author

Bridge:

Be the healer of brokenness

Be the freer of woefulness

Be the hand that creates new life

You make all things right

You make all things right...

Yes, you make all things right.